so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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