the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
