So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
