ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
