iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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