Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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