Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I want to be your penis for a week.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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