Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
