We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
