You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
