Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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