my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Randomize
