This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
