I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
