Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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