yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
