So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My legs feel like baby dolphins
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
