i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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