i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
