the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
