i barfeds in our rink
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Houston, we have a blender
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
