Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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