OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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