So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
