shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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