So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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