I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize