hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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