I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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