i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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