Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
