I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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