I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize