No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's never too late to be topless.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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