Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
