can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
