My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i will never coherently bang her
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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