Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
