If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She even gives head with a lisp.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
