we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
