the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
