If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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