Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
