He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
