I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Let's paint friendship bongs
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
