I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize