I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
