he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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