I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
