So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Boobs are out for the taking
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
