I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
