The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
