My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
