You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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