and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
