she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
