I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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