I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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