Define "chronic" masturbator.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
