So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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