fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
