well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
