Will you blow on my dice?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
