I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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