Umm I'm too high to move.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
