I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
