Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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