If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
