he wants to bone in the snuggie
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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