i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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