like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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