she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
