We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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