I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
