Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
