He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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