I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I need a beard to bite.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
