my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
