Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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