Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
