my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
